Gravewurm vs Golden Resurrection

One of these bands sings about God, the other growls about Satan… honestly I can't tell which one I hate most. Objectively there's no match between them, Golden Resurrection is clearly the better of the bands as they doesn't sound like some sort of basement creature from resident Evil but to me they are pretty much on the same level of unbearablenes. This special review will not only treat the music of these two bands but also compare the two with each other to find out which one is least unbearable. Or maybe one should say most bearable to stay somewhat positive.

The facts: Golden Resurrection has an album with ten songs that keeps going for 49 minutes while Gravewurm only have eight tracks that takes them 35 minutes to play through. The first round is therefore Gravewurms, for the fact that their album has less to endure.

The description: In Golden Resurrection there is a vocalist that use his voice to form sounds that is more that just dark grunts. Golden Resurrection have musicians that plays music and not just noises. They have melodies and not just series of sounds. Also, Golden Resurrection has a music production not just a recording of racket. Hence… the second round goes to Golden Resurrection for at least trying to do music.

The comparison: Golden Resurrection is like a xerox version of any other neo classical power metal band. It doesn't feel the least as their own thing and if it hadn't been for their pathetic lyrics they would have been just as anonymous as that guy… you know… that dude with drumsticks… you know who I mean. He in Iron Maiden… whomever he is. Gravewurm doesn't throw creativity all around them either compared to other bands int heir genre but at least they seem to have something distinguishing them from many other bands in their genre. That horrible crackle of cough they call vocals is probably their way of getting noticed and regardless that it sounds as stupid as it is - they're actually succeeding with it… at least partly, because it does sound even worse than most other black metal bands does! So, third round to Gravewurm since they manage to distinguishing themselves better.

The lyrics: We've talked about it already - Gravewurm grunts about Satan and his hell while Golden Resurrection resurrects Jebus in their preachers about God. Since both sides are so obsessed with their fantasy worlds and fantasy figures they are both as phony as Rhapsody Of Fire with their trolls and unicorns and talking swords, which is kind of the upper limit of how ridicules something can get. They are both so serious about it too (just like Rhapsody), enough to sacrifice their music for their lyrical theme and that's why it's impossible so separate the two - they are equally ridicules so the fourth round is a tie. Score stays at 2-1 for Gravewurm.

The songs: Golden Resurrection usually have an instrumental track on their albums and 'One Voice For The Kingdom' is no exception. The last track is instrumental and regardless of how bad this band sound they are actually almost acceptable when they shut the fuck up about their Lord and beliefs. Gravewurm on the other hand has no instrumental track and even if they did it wouldn't make any difference compared to when they brawl about santa and his evil deeds. The fifth round is therefore Golden Resurrections.

Since we're tied after five rounds we just have to settle this with a final round that will directly decide which band is most bearable. The decisive round is about the individual performance and wether any of the bands have an individual performance that immediately gets noticed in a positive way. Unfortunately, when I listen to both this albums there is nothing. No such things! There isn't anything on any of these albums that feels better than the rest (other than Liljegren staying silence on the last track of 'One Voice For The Kingdom' but that's no performance - it's a lack of one. For me it's equally unbearable to sit through both these albums, even though they're different they are just as bad! I will definitely never listen to any of these albums again as long as I can rule over it and I can't see how anyone would, but since Golden Resurrection probably will be the least repulsive in most peoples ears I think they should win this stupid competition.

The result: For your own sake, keep away from both this albums! But if you happen to hear any of them I guess you'll find it more acceptable if it is Golden Resurrection you hear. None of them, however, are legend… wait for it...

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